Buh Bye 2017

 

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So it’s 12:01 AM January 1st 2018 right now. I keep pinching myself as I stare at the little electrical clock on the oven. I must be dreaming, 2017 can’t be over yet. But nope I’m very much awake (I did drink 5 cups of some pretty strong coffee so I’m sure I couldn’t even be asleep right now if I wanted to). As my leg jiggles under the table and my hands shake in my lap I try to replay the whole year in my head.

I replay last New Year’s Eve as confetti floats through the air and I drunkly (drunk with sleep deprivation duhhh) take a selfie. I fast forward a couple weeks to Mardi Gras and I’m again catching a bead and giggling at weird people with my friends. Oh my now it’s Easter and I’m eating a huge ham (sorry not eating, staring at, I don’t eat meat remember). Next prom replays as I finish my makeup in my best friend’s room and then as I balance a sushi roll on my fork in a dimly lit restaurant and finally as I do a graceful pirouette on the dance floor to some rap song no one has ever heard. Now it’s summer with the sun beaming down on me laying next to the pool my phone clutched in my hand (gotta stay social). Woah now I’m at a school football game with my sisters clapping for the wrong team and almost falling down some steps. Homecoming flashes by as I dance and eat oysters and sip sparkling water. My birthday, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Christmas blink past. I’m laughing and crying all at the same time as I re-experience each downfall and rise 2017 had to offer.

Finally I’m back in the present and I’m staring down at my computer a blinking cursor on a blank word document flashing in my tired eyes. The whole year of 2017 certainly was a trip, but I have this weird psychic feeling 2018 will be even better. As I finish this last sentence my hands have finally stopped shaking and my legs sit silently beneath the table, I think the caffeine is finally leaving my system taking with it the anxiety of another year lost.

Fancy glass clink…Katherine

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The Supa Haute Gift Guide

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It’s 4 days away from Christmas and I’m going to guess you aren’t done with your shopping yet. Don’t lie I see you sneakily opening up a new tab right now to google “Cheap gifts for dads”. We’ve all been there don’t worry. Well ok not to brag but I’m all done. I’m on my gaaaaaame this year. Santa better watch out. And since I’m such a nice giving Habanero I’ve even got a present for you guys. It’s the gift of gift ideas. Yes yes your welcome. No need to cry. Here you can have a tissue too. So go get your credit card and maybe a helmet light ladies and gents because we’re about to delve into a pretty long cave filled with ideas.

Where’s Karl?

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If you know someone who is constantly losing their glasses or car keys only to find them days later on top of the counter right next to their very noticeable pink neon coffee maker, maybe you should get them this little book (and maybe a new coffee maker, just sayin). Where’s Karl is a modern day twist on the Where’s Waldo faze of a long time ago (2013). But unlike poor Waldo, Karl Lagerfeld along with other various public figures (Kim Kardashian, Anna Wintour, Beyonce, you name it) are dressed impeccably making them even harder to find amongst crazy scenes of the Met Gala and New York. It also makes for a great replacement to wood for your fireplace. I’m joking. Never burn anything that has to do with Karl. He’s a bawse.

 

Chanel Coco Bath Soap

411707-zoomThis makes for the perfect gift for your mother. Even though giving someone soap for Christmas seems a little offensive, it’s Chanel. Your mother would understand. I wouldn’t even mind getting a piece of coal as long as its stamped with a Chanel logo. And I’m sure it smells like the inside of a Chanel bag. Mmm I think I might even order this for myself.

 

Slip Silk Eye Mask

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This is a fairly gender neutral gift. Granted it is pink. But hey even men can wear pink. I mean come on who wouldn’t want to wear silk on their eyes as they sleep. It will ensure you have good dreams forever. No more nightmares of Forever 21 closing (the worst nightmare ever trust me). Also it probably keeps your eyes pretty cool since silk is generally cold to the touch, which would help immensely with under eye bags. It’s a win win.

 

Amazon Echo Dot

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Have you ever wanted a personal butler? Do you know someone who wants one? Well I think I found the next best thing. This handy dandy little gadget thingy acts as your personal music playing, uber ordering, news reading, call making butler. It also comes in some pretty neat colors to satisfy any picky person. So next time your dad makes you get up off the comfy couch and step over a bunch of potato chip bags to go and make a call to the Domino’s guy you can just smirk because under the tree is an Amazon Echo Dot just for him. Your welcome dad.

 

A Workout Bar

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Now I’m not talking about the alcoholic bar. Oh no no no. I’m talking about the super healthy sounding pull up bar you can easily hang in any doorway. I know you’re probably thinking about your super handsome bae right now and how you totally think he should be buffin’ up his arm muscles a little to help you open up that pesky jar of pickles. Sorry man. But you’ll never have to worry about a jar opener again. And men like to workout too, right? I don’t know. If anything it’ll help him achieve that summer body for the beach.

 

Non-Iron Men Shirt

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You know the one thing your brother hates the most… ironing. He probably has nightmares about it. This button-down low maintenance shirt is the answer to all his problems. It’s even pretty fancy so it’d work for just about any special occasion. And when he’s all done lookin’ super stylish he can just whip this puppy in the laundry without having to worry about wrinkles (or gray hairs for that matter).

 

Dog Frisbee

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I bet you thought I forgot your pup, buut nope don’t worry I didn’t. And what’s better than a plastic Frisbee for your furry friend? A rubber one he can chew on to make sure his teeth are extra strong to bite into that steak he’s having later for dinner. Good boy Rover.

 

Tabasco Spicy Chocolate Wedges

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Of course you can’t be a Habanero without adding something Haute to your bag of gifts. And let me tell you this chocolate is hooott, in the good way of course.

Annnnnndddd that’s all folks. I hope you found something someone you love would like out of this crazy list. Now what are you waiting for let’s go out there and shop.

A shop bell ring… Katherine